If you are just joining our story, feel free to start from the beginning, first blog post titled "The Beginning" on April 18, 2013.
I just want to start by catching everyone up to speed, here's a little timeline of where we are:
July 2, 1999 - Brian's first visit since Teen Mania
July 7, 1999 - We're courting
August 27, 1999 - We're engaged! (wedding is set for May 27, 2000)
Things were moving very fast for us and we were crazy excited! After Brian proposed, he came to visit the weekend of October 3, 1999. The next several weeks would be hard because we both knew he would not be able to come back for a little while. For me, being in a long distance relationship was very hard. The days went by so slow, phone calls were wonderful, but I was desperate to be with him, and the same with Brian. So I booked a flight to Maryland, and with the help of his friends, I planned a surprise visit!! I would fly in Oct 23 and back out Oct 31!! It was priceless, Brian walked into the kitchen to find me sitting at the dining room table. I loved that week so much! Being there with Brian, knowing this is the area I would be living in when we got married, getting to know what would become my second family. It was good. But other parts of that week were not so great. There was no where else I wanted to be then right there with Brian, but the reality is, that the more I was with Brian, the harder it was to keep our conversations from going places they shouldn't, or getting too flirty. We had made the decision not to kiss until our wedding day to avoid all of this, it was supposed to be easy...it was not. I don't know why it surprised me. I'm not talking about silly flirting, we did plenty of that! How was I to not awaken that desire until it was time, when the desire was so strong between the two of us? We had to learn this together, because it was only stirred up between the two of us. I got very frustrated with us while I was there and I was not able to talk to Brian about it, but he knew what upset me. I don't know for sure if it upset Brian too, but I know it upset him that I was upset. From that point on he took the initiative for us to keep conversations pure, and to guard not only his heart, but mine. We did eventually talk about it. It did get a little easier, but I won't lie, it was a fight for both of us. I had that assurance, that on my wedding day, I would not only get that long awaited kiss, but I would enjoy Brian in every way, and probably end up wheeling him around in a wheelchair on our honeymoon! (jk)
So that was our first REAL issue that we faced, and again it wasn't a one time thing, we would continue to face it, but our boundaries were drawn, and Brian chose to protect us instead of push the boundaries. I thank God so much for that! But we would face something else, very serious, that would stop me in my tracks.
I was back home in South Carolina, and I believe it was mid November. I received a call from a lady that had mentored me and one that I loved very much. She was concerned that our relationship was moving too fast. She had a lot of direct questions, and some I didn't have answers for. She knew Brian, but only from a distance. She knew he was crazy about his girl back home, and now he was crazy about me, would that be seasonal too? She wanted the best for me and had the very best intensions. She had watched me fall in my previous relationship, and walk through that very hard time, she wondered if I there had been enough time for healing. She challenged me to push the wedding back. I was stunned. I got off the phone shaking. With that one phone call, I questioned everything. In that one instance I was reliving my failures and even questioning Brian. Had I dealt with all of those things, I know now that I hadn't, but honestly I don't think I knew how back then. I don't know why healing comes at different times. That same night I picked up the phone and called Brian. I was confused and shaken. He was blind-sighted, I wasn't sure what to do. At the end of a very long emotional phone call, I put the wedding on hold. I knew I had to sort through all of this. Brian was hurt and confused. There was such a whirlwind of emotions as I tried to sleep that night, I felt like the air had been sucked out of my bedroom. I had to find peace, and there was only one place to find it.
This post hurts my heart to relive. There are a lot of things I can't remember, but the feelings I felt that night are still painful. Times like this are not necessarily bad, they do hurt, but I know they can draw us into the arms of our Heavenly Father. He knows all our pains and fears and has the peace to bring calm to that storm, and to fill that emptiness. God desires to overwhelm us, to overwhelm you. Ask him to take your emptiness. And to the one whose arms are so weighted down with everything you are trying to carry; who feels like if you don't stay strong everything will fall apart, God wants you to drop it all, let it all spill out, let it go. Let it fall at the feet of Jesus who has already carried that burden for you, and He will give you rest.
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28
I pray peace over you today, you are worthy of love!
~Stacie
Click here to continue to the next video blog Happy Happy Happy!
I just want to start by catching everyone up to speed, here's a little timeline of where we are:
July 2, 1999 - Brian's first visit since Teen Mania
July 7, 1999 - We're courting
August 27, 1999 - We're engaged! (wedding is set for May 27, 2000)
Things were moving very fast for us and we were crazy excited! After Brian proposed, he came to visit the weekend of October 3, 1999. The next several weeks would be hard because we both knew he would not be able to come back for a little while. For me, being in a long distance relationship was very hard. The days went by so slow, phone calls were wonderful, but I was desperate to be with him, and the same with Brian. So I booked a flight to Maryland, and with the help of his friends, I planned a surprise visit!! I would fly in Oct 23 and back out Oct 31!! It was priceless, Brian walked into the kitchen to find me sitting at the dining room table. I loved that week so much! Being there with Brian, knowing this is the area I would be living in when we got married, getting to know what would become my second family. It was good. But other parts of that week were not so great. There was no where else I wanted to be then right there with Brian, but the reality is, that the more I was with Brian, the harder it was to keep our conversations from going places they shouldn't, or getting too flirty. We had made the decision not to kiss until our wedding day to avoid all of this, it was supposed to be easy...it was not. I don't know why it surprised me. I'm not talking about silly flirting, we did plenty of that! How was I to not awaken that desire until it was time, when the desire was so strong between the two of us? We had to learn this together, because it was only stirred up between the two of us. I got very frustrated with us while I was there and I was not able to talk to Brian about it, but he knew what upset me. I don't know for sure if it upset Brian too, but I know it upset him that I was upset. From that point on he took the initiative for us to keep conversations pure, and to guard not only his heart, but mine. We did eventually talk about it. It did get a little easier, but I won't lie, it was a fight for both of us. I had that assurance, that on my wedding day, I would not only get that long awaited kiss, but I would enjoy Brian in every way, and probably end up wheeling him around in a wheelchair on our honeymoon! (jk)
So that was our first REAL issue that we faced, and again it wasn't a one time thing, we would continue to face it, but our boundaries were drawn, and Brian chose to protect us instead of push the boundaries. I thank God so much for that! But we would face something else, very serious, that would stop me in my tracks.
I was back home in South Carolina, and I believe it was mid November. I received a call from a lady that had mentored me and one that I loved very much. She was concerned that our relationship was moving too fast. She had a lot of direct questions, and some I didn't have answers for. She knew Brian, but only from a distance. She knew he was crazy about his girl back home, and now he was crazy about me, would that be seasonal too? She wanted the best for me and had the very best intensions. She had watched me fall in my previous relationship, and walk through that very hard time, she wondered if I there had been enough time for healing. She challenged me to push the wedding back. I was stunned. I got off the phone shaking. With that one phone call, I questioned everything. In that one instance I was reliving my failures and even questioning Brian. Had I dealt with all of those things, I know now that I hadn't, but honestly I don't think I knew how back then. I don't know why healing comes at different times. That same night I picked up the phone and called Brian. I was confused and shaken. He was blind-sighted, I wasn't sure what to do. At the end of a very long emotional phone call, I put the wedding on hold. I knew I had to sort through all of this. Brian was hurt and confused. There was such a whirlwind of emotions as I tried to sleep that night, I felt like the air had been sucked out of my bedroom. I had to find peace, and there was only one place to find it.
This post hurts my heart to relive. There are a lot of things I can't remember, but the feelings I felt that night are still painful. Times like this are not necessarily bad, they do hurt, but I know they can draw us into the arms of our Heavenly Father. He knows all our pains and fears and has the peace to bring calm to that storm, and to fill that emptiness. God desires to overwhelm us, to overwhelm you. Ask him to take your emptiness. And to the one whose arms are so weighted down with everything you are trying to carry; who feels like if you don't stay strong everything will fall apart, God wants you to drop it all, let it all spill out, let it go. Let it fall at the feet of Jesus who has already carried that burden for you, and He will give you rest.
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28
I pray peace over you today, you are worthy of love!
~Stacie
Click here to continue to the next video blog Happy Happy Happy!
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