I have taken a little time off, to regroup and find some direction with my blog. I knew I wanted to share my story of how I found Brian, and I found this love. I also know that I don't want the story to end at the wedding day, that is really just the beginning. I'm learning so much that there are so many couples who deal with things, but do not want to speak up because you feel like you're the only one who deals with the issues you deal with, or that things will never be any better for you. We all deal with things. I had no idea when I started this blog what I would be walking into personally. Brian and I talked about guarding ourselves and knowing that Satan would love more than anything to destroy what we have. But I have really battled through some of this. This is reality. I love fairytales and happily ever afters, but I choose reality. I choose that even when my heart is not in the right place, I will fight to see what is truly going on. That my fight is not making sense of my feelings, making sense of the past or making sense of Brian's feelings, that my fight is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. (Ephesians 6:12) Brian and I have grown so much over the past few months. At the same time, we are human, I am human. I hope it doesn't shatter too many of you when I say, Brian and I don't sing love songs to each other every day and skip from one cloud to the next! We live life just like everybody else. I fail him and, on occasion, he fails me. But we do know the reality of what God has called us to, so it will just makes us fight harder. Brian is my promise, and I am his. If we could really get ahold of how God has created our love to be, we would all fight for that love, not just to get it, but to keep it and pursue it even after the "I do's." That kind of love is what drives me to sit with Brian in tears when I know I have failed him. And it's the kind of love that drives us to forgive each other (even if it means a few days of cool down in between). It's the kind of love that doesn't give up. I'm excited to continue on with our story, and share parts of our lives with you. God has been doing so much in and with our family lately and I'm excited to be able to share the changes coming for the Wilson's. I'm also excited to be able to spotlight other couples and their stories. I know this world is so desperate for love and they need to hear real stories of real people fighting for a real love. When God is the focus, shame dissolves, fear scatters, depression lifts and hope rises. Rise up and pursue God, set your eyes! YOU ARE WORTHY OF LOVE! I want to hear from you, and please share! ~Stacie If you are just joining our story, feel free to start from the beginning, first blog post titled " The Beginning" on April 18, 2013.
If you are just joining our story, feel free to start from the beginning, first blog post titled " The Beginning" on April 18, 2013.
After waiting for almost 22 years, my day finally arrived! I would not have guessed only one year earlier that I would be marrying Brian Wilson! I was so ready to start my life with him, to be his wife. The excitement over shadowed any negative that I had heard through out my life, especially through my teenage years. It does amaze me, looking back how much church women can talk negative about their husbands. What business does anyone have exposing the weaknesses of their spouse, but even more so to young impressionable girls? If your spouse won't protect you, who will? Let's all be more aware, real Godly love does exist. It's not always roses and gumdrops. I was so blessed to have parents who desperately love each other, and were on the same team. They never tore each other down, but protected each other. Lord give me that kind of love.
I remember waking up really early May 27, 2000, and my hotel room being crazy! Girls coming in and out. Getting hair done, and bags packed to head off to make up. I also remember running down to my parents room just to have a moment with them. We rushed off to our appointments and before you know it I was all ready in my wedding dress, sitting waiting for the cue to walk through the double doors and down the aisle to meet Brian. It seemed like it took forever, but at the same time it all went so fast!
I held onto my Daddy's arm and he kept me steady as the doors opened and the long procession began. I could see Brian at the end waiting for me. He was so handsome and I could tell he was nervous! He sucks on his bottom lip when he gets nervous. But his smiling eyes put me at peace. I didn't know if Brian was going to cry because he's really not a crier. I found out later that his buddies were over to the side making faces at him as I was walking down the aisle, thanks guys! Brian did cry later in the wedding during a song my brothers sang. He's so sweet, that Brian Wilson.
We had two Pastors tag team the wedding, Pastor Dave, Brian's youth pastor who had tremendous influence on Brian and helped shape the man he is, and my Daddy. It was so special for both of us. The ceremony actually began with a banner, a "Jesus" banner being walked down the center aisle and placed in the center of the stage to the words of the song, "come Lord Jesus and take your place." Then my oldest brother, Russ, wrote the song I came down the aisle to. All three of my brothers also sang a song, as well as some dears friends of ours. But for me the moment in the back of my mind was, the "you may now kiss the bride" moment. It couldn't get here fast enough!
I was so excited to find my wedding vhs! A sweet friend of mine helped put it on a disk for me to be able to share that moment with you. Sadly the vhs skipped around some and just happen to skip through our kiss. But what I do have of it, I want to share with you. I'm sure I don't have to tell you that I'm almost positive the heavens opened when Brian's lips touched mine. My knees got weak, and everything went in slow motion. I know the connection was more than just a physical one. I entered into a covenant with Brian that day. He is my promise, and I am his. We were pronounced husband and wife, and I think we both smiled for a year straight! (beat that Jon)
I finally was Mrs. Brian Thomas Wilson....forever. I couldn't get enough of him, I kept trying to sneak kisses while we were taking pictures and cutting cake. When all was said and done, we drove away in Brian's Pontiac Grand Prix covered in writing and such! He immediately wanted to go through a carwash, he was afraid the shoe polish would mess up the cars paint. We were only going about half an hour away for our wedding night to stay in a historic hotel in Americas Georgia. (The Windsor) So the third time he wanted to go through the carwash, I started to wonder if he was really concerned about this car, or if he was stalling! Now that I know Brian, he was bound and determined to get that paint off of his car! We made out in the carwash in the meantime! We had a lot of time to make up for. God had helped us keep our relationship pure. I am so thankful to have that foundation with Brian. I'm certainly not going to go into any details with you, but God truly anointed that day and that night. I just told my friends this little story, and they encouraged me to include it, so I'm going to! At some point on our wedding night, Brian and I ventured out of our hotel room to find the snack and coke machines, you know, to refuel! One of the machines gave us a fifty cent coin as change. Well, I kept that coin and I still have it. When I run across it, I think about that night, it makes me giddy! But I think about how neat God is, even in the little things like change from a coin machine. Instead of getting two quarters, we got back one fifty cent piece. Just always a neat reminder that we are one!
So here's just a little of our day, I was surrounded by so many wonderful people! I hope you enjoy it! I am so blessed to have this love!
If you are just joining our story, feel free to start from the beginning, first blog post titled " The Beginning" on April 18, 2013.
After 9 months of being engaged and patiently waiting, the week before the wedding finally arrived! One of my closest friends flew across the country to be with me and help me prepare. Brian would pick up one of his friends and meet me in South Carolina, and then we would all drive down to Albany Georgia together. I was so excited that the wedding was so close, but just as excited to see Brian. I remember him driving up and me running out of the house and leaping straight into his arms! We arrived in Albany on Tuesday and shortly after that all of our other friends started coming in. It was a very busy week. I was so excited to see all of my friends and family, and all coming from different places. I just loved having childhood friends running around the hotel with my Teen Mania friends, it was all very surreal. One of the things I remember about that week was feeling pulled in so many different directions. I wanted to be with everyone all the time, but more importantly, I wanted to be with Brian. This was the first time he was right in front of me or right across town from me, and I didn't have his full attention. I won't lie, it was a hard thing for me. One day, we had to take a walk just the two of us. We went down to a little neighborhood park and spent a few minutes soaking each other in. It was just what I needed! We walked back to join everyone else hand and hand, and things wouldn't get quiet again until the night before the wedding. We had the best wedding party, so the rehearsal was a lot of fun, and add all our family to that, it was just a perfect night. I remember bits and pieces of that night. I remember being very nervous, but it was an excited nervous. I also remember being on the verge of tears the whole night, not sad tears, just tons of emotions tears, and if you know me at all, tears come easy for me! I remember the reality of not being able to see my parents everyday anymore hit me that night. I had been so excited about being with Brian, that I really didn't allow myself to think about the whole picture. But as tough as it was for me, I was ready to move into that new season.
When the night started to wind down and everyone was loading into their cars, Brian asked me to walk with him. It was dark. I took his hand and we walked around to the side of the building. He wanted to have just a few more minutes with me alone. He told me how much he loved me and how excited he was to be marrying me. He also held me and prayed for me. The tears found there way out at that point. As excited as I was for tomorrow to come, I didn't want to leave that spot, I didn't want him to let me go. The next time I would see Brian would be when the church doors opened, he would be waiting at the end of that very long aisle. The wait was finally over!!
Another short and sweet, but I'm building up here! God does that too! Have you ever looked back after God does something amazing, and see how He was setting it all up for you ahead of time? Isn't it funny that you can never see that until after the fact! Don't get discouraged where you are now, you will look back and see how God had it all under control, He was just building up!
I love you all!
YOU ARE WORTHY OF LOVE!
~Stacie
Click here to continue to the next blog post The Big Day...
If you are just joining our story, feel free to start from the beginning, first blog post titled " The Beginning" on April 18, 2013.
Brian and I had almost made it! We were beyond excited to be getting married. We were less than a month away. There was finally light at the end of the tunnel. The countdown had begun! I look back over that last year and can't believe how much things changed in my life. I had no idea that Brian would ride in and swoop me up. I had no idea that one of my sweetest friends would be the love of my life. I had no idea that my forever would be with with a redneck from south Georgia! And I had no idea that I would make the decision to not kiss him until this wedding day. It's not something I thought about ahead of time, I knew I wanted to kiss Brian, very much. So that first time he leaned in, I would not have stopped him if he hadn't paused to ask me first. I really think that was God. I know I talked about it briefly before, but I think it's important to give this a little more attention. Keeping a relationship pure is one of hardest things to do. Not enough people want to talk about it. I think that's one of the biggest problems with us. We feel like we are the only ones who deal with things. We look at other relationships and compare what we see on the outside and figure no one else is struggling, or failing the way we are. But its time we speak up and support each other instead of judging each other. We may not all deal with the same things, but we ALL deal with things.
So how did Brian and I do it? It wasn't easy. I do think that not kissing played a big role. It helped minimize the passion that was caged up in us both. The passion was still there, but we didn't give it an outlet. Were we perfect in this? Absolutely not! Sex is big part of marriage and God created it. He wants us to enjoy each other, sex is not bad, I'm tired of it being a bad word. But when its outside of God's timing in marriage, it's sin. That's where we associate shame and sex. But sex within a marriage is Godly and Holy and good! So of course Brian and I talked about it and thought about it...a lot. We had to pull the reigns back from time to time, talking about it just makes it harder not to act on it. Maybe it was a little easier knowing that Brian would be mine, and there was an actual date he would be mine! Maybe it was the same for him. People would say to me, "Is it weird knowing that you're going to kiss Brian for the first time and have sex with him all on the same day?" Umm why would that be weird? That just made me excited!
I know too, for me, it was so important to protect our love. I know I use that word a lot. It's a big responsibility to protect each other. It's hard to fully understand that sometimes. I had made mistakes in my past and refused to allow those mistakes to affect my relationship with Brain. I also refused to make those same mistakes with Brian, if I had to fight with everything in me. I kept short accounts with God, I asked for forgiveness when I knew my thoughts were not pure. And I did not allow shame to define me. Shame will try and attach itself to you and become your identity. It's not even the failures that define you, but actual shame. You have to learn to recognize shame and refuse it.
2 Corinthians 5:21 "God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God."
Jesus came to take our sin, not just one time, not just the first time we sin, but every time. So that in Him we might become righteous! We have to give our sins over to Jesus, He's already paid for them, we don't have to carry them, that's good news! No matter what your struggle is, no matter what hidden sin you deal with, righteousness is only one surrender away. You are not the only one struggling with sin. You are not alone, or weaker than anyone else. You are strong and you can rise above the sin!
I had less than one month away from being in Brian's arms. I knew I could make it! The fact that I wouldn't see him again until the week before the wedding helped too! God was giving me Brian Wilson, a man that loved and adored me, but that loved God even more. I was honored, I was humbled. I remember being 17 and an evangelist pulled me out of a service to tell me about the man God had for me. He told me to pray for him because pressure was on him to compromise. He also confirmed that he would do great things. I prayed for my husband, for Brian, and God was faithful to hear my heart. He protected Brain, and kept him safe for me. God gave me a virgin.
So what about the title, peanut butter and jelly? Somewhere along the line, Brian came up with an analogy, he was peanut butter and I was jelly, and guess what we would be making on our wedding night? Only the best sandwich known to man kind!
Thank you for being such great readers! Brian and I love reliving and sharing all of this with every one of you. We love your feedback, please keep it coming! If you're enjoying the blog, please share it! And remember...YOU ARE WORTHY OF LOVE!
~Stacie
Click here to continue to the next blog post Here Comes the Rehearsal...
If you are just joining our story, feel free to start from the beginning, first blog post titled " The Beginning" on April 18, 2013. After the new year (2000), wedding prep went into full swing. I look back now and see how everything fell into place. It was a little challenge planning a wedding in a town that I was unfamiliar with and that neither Brian or myself was living in. But there were a few key people that helped us pull everything together. We literally could not have done it without them! I was so blessed that Brian had so many people who love him and who were willing to bring this wedding together. I don't remember too much about those several months before the wedding. It seemed like it was years between each visit with Brian and every conversation was all about the wedding. As great as it was, it also was a little frustrating, but this was life! I also had a hair mishap that I clearly remember! I had highlights put in my hair several months before the wedding and my hair started turning orange, but only in the back! I ended up going to several different hair stylist to try and figure out what was going on. One person bleached my hair to the point that it burnt it and I had to cut it all off. And even after that, it turned orange again! Someone I worked with just mentioned in passing one day that the water at our house must have iron in it. The iron was turning my hair! She also told me there was a little packet I could buy at the beauty store that would take that orange color out, it was less than $2! It worked! But in the meantime, I had to change the way I did my hair, and had never planned to have really short hair on my wedding day. But there was nothing I could do about it, and Brian loved it thankfully! It's funny that I don't remember a whole lot, but I certainly remember that! The letters I wrote Brian through these few months were very whiney, I was ready to be with him. I missed him so bad. I hate to zoom through these months before the wedding, but I don't remember a whole lot about them. I have my planner that I wrote everything in, and I look back and see the different appointments and calls and all the stuff that had to be done. I really did love all of it, it was so much fun to me. Brian tried to make as few trips as possible only because he would have to come down for the wedding showers. After that it would be over a month before I would see him again and that would be for the wedding. It was the final stretch! I was beyond ready! This is one of my favorite parts coming up! The man that God made for me would finally be mine. One season in my life would be coming to an end, and a new one beginning. Thank God for seasons! What season do you feel like you're in? I want to hear from you! Thank you for reading, don't forget to share and always remember: YOU are worthy of love! ~Stacie Click here to continue reading the next post Peanut Butter and Jelly.
If you are just joining our story, feel free to start from the beginning, first blog post titled " The Beginning" on April 18, 2013. I'm so proud of Brian for writing such a great post! It was fun to see everything he had to say and the way he remembered it. Maybe I'll see if he'll write another one a little further into our story! In case you missed it here is the link: Brian's Side I believe I left off in November 1999: I didn't get to spend Thanksgiving with Brian that year we were engaged, but we did spend Christmas together. It's funny, I remember being so nervous about what to get him. We were trying to save as much money as we could for the wedding/honeymoon and life! I don't even know what I got him, let me ask him. I know he got me a Guess leather coat and some perfume. Oh, that's right, I got him a pea coat and some cologne also! I loved that Brian has always been really good with picking out clothes for me. He has a great eye! During this time he would tell me about different outfits he remembered me wearing at Teen Mania. He loved this one little black pants jumper I wore with a scarf . It just blew my mind that he remembered specific times. I really didn't realize how much he was paying attention back then! Brian on the other hand dressed like a Georgia boy! He did have a rock star trapped inside of him, I just had to help him find his way out! Its neat to see how we've both changed so much through the years. And just a side note, I love that Georgia boy just as much as I love the rock star side! New Years came and went, 2000 was here and nothing crashed or Y2K'd. I didn't get to bring in the new year with Brian but we were on the phone with each other when the ball dropped. I was so sad to not be with him, but so excited that this would be the year to start my life with Brian. I just couldn't get enough of him, each visit was always too short and too much time in between, but I was thankful for every one of them. Brian learned quickly that I loved surprises, it didn't have to be anything big, but I love them! He came to see me one time and was supposed to show up on a Friday. He had it planned to show up the night before but didn't tell me. My Mama kept encouraging me to straighten up my room that day, and shortly after supper I walked out of the bathroom (great timing Stacie) and there was Brian! Another time, we were headed to church Sunday morning and came to an intersection. My Dad says, "Hey, that guy looks just like Brian in that car over there." I looked up expecting to see an elderly man (cause my Dad is a joker), but there was Brian! He drove all night to get to me! (yes, I might have sung the song as I typed it) That time I had no clue he was coming, he literally drove all night to get to me! We joked a few times about eloping, we couldn't stand the distance, but mainly because he wanted to kiss me so bad, I was just like, "whatever..." Lord forgive me for lying! All those months seemed so long to wait, but they would be worth it. Things started to get a little more hectic after the new year. We had the bridal party in place, but all the other details would need to come together. I loved talking to Brian about those things. He and I both were not picky, so things were very easy. I do remember having to ask him for money for the first time for a deposit on something. I felt like I was going to throw up! We talked about money some, but we would have to start combining things, and that added a whole new element. Money can be scary, I was shocked to see that in Brian's checkbook register he rounded everything up! Part of my job at the bank was to help people balance their checkbook's to the penny and I balanced mine every single day. Sometimes, I loved when it was off, just so I would have the challenge of finding it! But this was just another way for us to grow together. I look back now and see that God gave me a man who is a hard worker and such an incredible provider, who cares what the checkbook registry looks like! He is such a blessing. Even back then he was working so hard to set up a life for us. Proverbs 12:14 " From the fruit of their lips people are filled with good things, and the work of their hands brings them reward." This scripture is so full of life to me. God has given us great weapons to use. Our mouth is one, what we speak is life or death. You can speak hope into your very situation. Words carry power, they can stir us up even when our minds are struggling. I speak myself out of bad attitudes and depression all the time. God tells me in the bible that I am more than a conquerer, that I am more than enough, that the joy of the Lord is my strength, that if I wait on the Lord, He will renew my strength. Keep speaking it over and over until you feel a freedom from the negative, stir up that hope, change your atmosphere! God has also given us the ability to work and to make things happen. Be diligent in your daily jobs, but also in the dreams and desires that He has placed on the inside of you. If there is something you are dreaming of doing or becoming, what are doing to move toward that dream? God is faithful to bring things to us, sometimes they fall right into our laps, but I also believe that God gives us an inner warrior to fight for our dreams and purpose in life!! I believe in you and I believe you can do it!! You are worthy of love! ~Stacie A few more picture of us! Don't forget to share this blog!
Click here to continue reading the post Wedding Preparation.
If you are just joining our story, feel free to start from the beginning, first blog post titled " The Beginning" on April 18, 2013. Stacie asked me to write a post, so here we go! The first time I remember Stacie was meeting her in the Teen Mania ATF office. She had on a cream dress with cream shoes. I thought she was beautiful. I did not show her pictures of my "friend" back home, even though she said I did! But I did have a friend back home and we took a year off cause I had to because of Teen Mania rules. We planned to pick back up after my year. But, that would change. Things I remember about Stacie our internship year: her eyes, sweet soft voice, beautiful big teeth, the way she dressed, how sweet she was, and how drop dead gorgeous she was. We became very close buddies. I felt like I needed to protect her on the road. We had a few long talks on the bus. I knew off the bat that she was a Godly woman. I always enjoyed being around her. I decided to give her the nickname "Frog". The reason was cause she was sitting in a chair with her feet pulled up like a frog. Everyone I introduced her to also called her Frog, except for Duncan (drummer from the Newsboys), he said she didn't look like a frog! When our year was over I never stopped thinking about what was Frog doing. So I started writing letters and calling her as a friend. (wink wink) I was thinking about going back on the road and doing another year at the Internship and my "friend" at home told my sister that "this music thing" (the road), would get out of my system in a month. This was not long after I came home. I was missing the road and I loved it. So I knew then, that my friend was not "the one." So not long after that, I ended it with her. I was in the studio working on a CD with some Teen Mania friends, January 1999, I was talking about Frog. One of my friends encouraged me to reach out and call her, so I did. But I always thought there was no way she would be my gul! But I called anyway! I started writing letters and calling, but phone calls cost per minute. But where I worked at had a 1-800 number and I would tell her to call me there because it was free!!! Everybody knew when she called, "Frog" was on the phone! Not long after I started writing and calling I knew I wanted to pursue her even if she said no, cause I ain't no quitter! So I told her how I felt. But before I told her, I talked to her Daddy on the phone about pursuing her, which I have never done, but I knew she was special. So her Dad suggested I give her a little time to get to know each other better. So I did. Finally, we nailed down a date for me to come see her and her family. I was nervous as crap, but I was ready to see what would be next. I knew even before I saw her, I had very strong feeling for her. I wanted to smooch on them big lips! When I got there and walked in and saw her, I was speechless. I knew then that I was in love with this girl and this was it. I was blown away because I felt like she felt the same way, the one I felt like I didn't have a chance with. Later that weekend her and I were staring at each other still speechless. I decided it was time to try and get me a smooch. I leaned in and for whatever reason, I felt like I needed to ask her, which I have never never done! She told me she wanted to wait to kiss until the day she got married. I said... Ok! In my mind I said, that will be me! I enjoyed a great weekend with her and her family. I knew I fit in immediately (furp)! I went back home assuming we were courting and telling all my friends that I was courting Frog! Then she busted me and said you never asked me! I was scared she was going to break up with me, so I asked her quickly, and she said yes! One month later I put a ring on her finger! I didn't want to wait, neither did she! I knew Stacie related to me, she knew me, and not like in the bible times, knew me! I knew she would understand the call on my life and would be that special woman that could support that, because it would take a special woman. I was blown away that I was going to be marrying Frog, Stacie, from Teen Mania, is this really happening? This is why you brothers should get saved, even if your ugly God will give you a fine wife! He knows the desires of your heart. Even when you don't deserve it He lets you ween! (win) Thanks for reading and don't forget to share! Brian Click here to continue reading the next post He Drove All Night.
If you are just joining our story, feel free to start from the beginning, first blog post titled " The Beginning" on April 18, 2013. I've been pouring back over letters and my journals trying to find exact details on our story at this point. If you remember in my last post, I told you about the phone call I received from a dear friend and mentor who suggested pushing the wedding back. She wanted to make sure I was not making a hasty decision. She had all the best intensions towards me. I had a little freak out and put the wedding on hold. Well, that lasted a day maybe two! I was miserable! Brian was also, and very confused. I had to go with where I found peace and that was moving forward with Brian. I felt terrible for scaring Brian the way I did, and getting so caught up in my emotions, but maybe this would give him a tiny glimpse of what it's like being married to me! I never questioned my love for Brian or that I wanted to marry him. But it did bring about other questions that I needed to dig into. Just from looking at our letters, we started asking some very straight forward questions, and some fun communication started. I love the goo goo stage, I still consider myself in it! But I also love the straight forward questions and answers, that's how you learn about each other. I love learning about Brian, and he gets to learn about me whether he loves it or not! (I think he does) But when all was said and done, we were back on track and more in love than ever. Brian came down mid November to spend four days, and during that time we made a quick trip down to Albany to meet his new niece. We spent a lot of time talking that trip. It felt like things were different. The only way I can describe it is "real." Brian had seen me very emotional and I felt safe with him. I didn't have to be embarrassed about what I felt, or embarrassed to ask questions, and I desperately wanted him to feel like he could do the same. You know how it is when you're so high in the love clouds, nothing bothers you and everything is so cute. Well, that's great for a season! I love the coming down from the clouds part too, I love real life, and I think you can still be crazy in love and live in real life. I was starting to feel that with Brian. Now it may have taken a little longer with him to feel comfortable with telling me the way he sees things because he never wants to hurt my feelings, he's still that way! It's not always a good thing. But I appreciate his heart. At the end of November we were at a six month countdown to the wedding. It still seemed so far away. The goodbyes were always so hard. Brian would hold my face in his hands and stare deep in my eyes. Usually he would kiss my face, my forehead and my nose, then hold me for a long time. I still remember how he smelled ( like Eternity). He would leave a T-shirt for me and spray it with his cologne that I slept with. He also sprayed all of his letters and cards. I think when I'm finished writing this tonight I'm going to go snuggle up next to him just to smell him. I think God wants our relationship with Him to be like this also. We can be crazy in love with Him and know how good He is. We can be thankful for His faithfulness and giddy that He cares for us so much. But He also wants us to be real, and to feel safe to be able to ask questions and share our hearts. God is not upset with us when we are confused or frustrated. He created us, He created you! Seek Him and you will find Him! Ask and you will receive! Psalm 34:4-5 "I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame." How amazing is that scripture, it says that all you have to do is seek the Lord and He'll answer you! Lift your face, NO MORE SHAME!! Lift your face there is radiance waiting for you! YOU ARE WORTHY OF LOVE! (headed to snuggle) ~Stacie Click here to continue reading the next post Brian's side.
Sorry I can't make the volume any louder!!!
Enjoy!
~Stacie
If you are just joining our story, feel free to start from the beginning, first blog post titled " The Beginning" on April 18, 2013. I just want to start by catching everyone up to speed, here's a little timeline of where we are: July 2, 1999 - Brian's first visit since Teen Mania July 7, 1999 - We're courting August 27, 1999 - We're engaged! (wedding is set for May 27, 2000) Things were moving very fast for us and we were crazy excited! After Brian proposed, he came to visit the weekend of October 3, 1999. The next several weeks would be hard because we both knew he would not be able to come back for a little while. For me, being in a long distance relationship was very hard. The days went by so slow, phone calls were wonderful, but I was desperate to be with him, and the same with Brian. So I booked a flight to Maryland, and with the help of his friends, I planned a surprise visit!! I would fly in Oct 23 and back out Oct 31!! It was priceless, Brian walked into the kitchen to find me sitting at the dining room table. I loved that week so much! Being there with Brian, knowing this is the area I would be living in when we got married, getting to know what would become my second family. It was good. But other parts of that week were not so great. There was no where else I wanted to be then right there with Brian, but the reality is, that the more I was with Brian, the harder it was to keep our conversations from going places they shouldn't, or getting too flirty. We had made the decision not to kiss until our wedding day to avoid all of this, it was supposed to be easy...it was not. I don't know why it surprised me. I'm not talking about silly flirting, we did plenty of that! How was I to not awaken that desire until it was time, when the desire was so strong between the two of us? We had to learn this together, because it was only stirred up between the two of us. I got very frustrated with us while I was there and I was not able to talk to Brian about it, but he knew what upset me. I don't know for sure if it upset Brian too, but I know it upset him that I was upset. From that point on he took the initiative for us to keep conversations pure, and to guard not only his heart, but mine. We did eventually talk about it. It did get a little easier, but I won't lie, it was a fight for both of us. I had that assurance, that on my wedding day, I would not only get that long awaited kiss, but I would enjoy Brian in every way, and probably end up wheeling him around in a wheelchair on our honeymoon! (jk) So that was our first REAL issue that we faced, and again it wasn't a one time thing, we would continue to face it, but our boundaries were drawn, and Brian chose to protect us instead of push the boundaries. I thank God so much for that! But we would face something else, very serious, that would stop me in my tracks. I was back home in South Carolina, and I believe it was mid November. I received a call from a lady that had mentored me and one that I loved very much. She was concerned that our relationship was moving too fast. She had a lot of direct questions, and some I didn't have answers for. She knew Brian, but only from a distance. She knew he was crazy about his girl back home, and now he was crazy about me, would that be seasonal too? She wanted the best for me and had the very best intensions. She had watched me fall in my previous relationship, and walk through that very hard time, she wondered if I there had been enough time for healing. She challenged me to push the wedding back. I was stunned. I got off the phone shaking. With that one phone call, I questioned everything. In that one instance I was reliving my failures and even questioning Brian. Had I dealt with all of those things, I know now that I hadn't, but honestly I don't think I knew how back then. I don't know why healing comes at different times. That same night I picked up the phone and called Brian. I was confused and shaken. He was blind-sighted, I wasn't sure what to do. At the end of a very long emotional phone call, I put the wedding on hold. I knew I had to sort through all of this. Brian was hurt and confused. There was such a whirlwind of emotions as I tried to sleep that night, I felt like the air had been sucked out of my bedroom. I had to find peace, and there was only one place to find it. This post hurts my heart to relive. There are a lot of things I can't remember, but the feelings I felt that night are still painful. Times like this are not necessarily bad, they do hurt, but I know they can draw us into the arms of our Heavenly Father. He knows all our pains and fears and has the peace to bring calm to that storm, and to fill that emptiness. God desires to overwhelm us, to overwhelm you. Ask him to take your emptiness. And to the one whose arms are so weighted down with everything you are trying to carry; who feels like if you don't stay strong everything will fall apart, God wants you to drop it all, let it all spill out, let it go. Let it fall at the feet of Jesus who has already carried that burden for you, and He will give you rest. "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28 I pray peace over you today, you are worthy of love! ~Stacie Click here to continue to the next video blog Happy Happy Happy!
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