If you are just joining our story, feel free to start from the beginning, first blog post titled "The Beginning" on April 18, 2013.
I've been pouring back over letters and my journals trying to find exact details on our story at this point. If you remember in my last post, I told you about the phone call I received from a dear friend and mentor who suggested pushing the wedding back. She wanted to make sure I was not making a hasty decision. She had all the best intensions towards me. I had a little freak out and put the wedding on hold. Well, that lasted a day maybe two! I was miserable! Brian was also, and very confused. I had to go with where I found peace and that was moving forward with Brian. I felt terrible for scaring Brian the way I did, and getting so caught up in my emotions, but maybe this would give him a tiny glimpse of what it's like being married to me! I never questioned my love for Brian or that I wanted to marry him. But it did bring about other questions that I needed to dig into. Just from looking at our letters, we started asking some very straight forward questions, and some fun communication started. I love the goo goo stage, I still consider myself in it! But I also love the straight forward questions and answers, that's how you learn about each other. I love learning about Brian, and he gets to learn about me whether he loves it or not! (I think he does) But when all was said and done, we were back on track and more in love than ever.
Brian came down mid November to spend four days, and during that time we made a quick trip down to Albany to meet his new niece. We spent a lot of time talking that trip. It felt like things were different. The only way I can describe it is "real." Brian had seen me very emotional and I felt safe with him. I didn't have to be embarrassed about what I felt, or embarrassed to ask questions, and I desperately wanted him to feel like he could do the same. You know how it is when you're so high in the love clouds, nothing bothers you and everything is so cute. Well, that's great for a season! I love the coming down from the clouds part too, I love real life, and I think you can still be crazy in love and live in real life. I was starting to feel that with Brian. Now it may have taken a little longer with him to feel comfortable with telling me the way he sees things because he never wants to hurt my feelings, he's still that way! It's not always a good thing. But I appreciate his heart.
At the end of November we were at a six month countdown to the wedding. It still seemed so far away. The goodbyes were always so hard. Brian would hold my face in his hands and stare deep in my eyes. Usually he would kiss my face, my forehead and my nose, then hold me for a long time. I still remember how he smelled ( like Eternity). He would leave a T-shirt for me and spray it with his cologne that I slept with. He also sprayed all of his letters and cards. I think when I'm finished writing this tonight I'm going to go snuggle up next to him just to smell him.
I think God wants our relationship with Him to be like this also. We can be crazy in love with Him and know how good He is. We can be thankful for His faithfulness and giddy that He cares for us so much. But He also wants us to be real, and to feel safe to be able to ask questions and share our hearts. God is not upset with us when we are confused or frustrated. He created us, He created you! Seek Him and you will find Him! Ask and you will receive!
Psalm 34:4-5 "I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame."
How amazing is that scripture, it says that all you have to do is seek the Lord and He'll answer you! Lift your face, NO MORE SHAME!! Lift your face there is radiance waiting for you! YOU ARE WORTHY OF LOVE!
(headed to snuggle)
~Stacie
Click here to continue reading the next post Brian's side.
I've been pouring back over letters and my journals trying to find exact details on our story at this point. If you remember in my last post, I told you about the phone call I received from a dear friend and mentor who suggested pushing the wedding back. She wanted to make sure I was not making a hasty decision. She had all the best intensions towards me. I had a little freak out and put the wedding on hold. Well, that lasted a day maybe two! I was miserable! Brian was also, and very confused. I had to go with where I found peace and that was moving forward with Brian. I felt terrible for scaring Brian the way I did, and getting so caught up in my emotions, but maybe this would give him a tiny glimpse of what it's like being married to me! I never questioned my love for Brian or that I wanted to marry him. But it did bring about other questions that I needed to dig into. Just from looking at our letters, we started asking some very straight forward questions, and some fun communication started. I love the goo goo stage, I still consider myself in it! But I also love the straight forward questions and answers, that's how you learn about each other. I love learning about Brian, and he gets to learn about me whether he loves it or not! (I think he does) But when all was said and done, we were back on track and more in love than ever.
Brian came down mid November to spend four days, and during that time we made a quick trip down to Albany to meet his new niece. We spent a lot of time talking that trip. It felt like things were different. The only way I can describe it is "real." Brian had seen me very emotional and I felt safe with him. I didn't have to be embarrassed about what I felt, or embarrassed to ask questions, and I desperately wanted him to feel like he could do the same. You know how it is when you're so high in the love clouds, nothing bothers you and everything is so cute. Well, that's great for a season! I love the coming down from the clouds part too, I love real life, and I think you can still be crazy in love and live in real life. I was starting to feel that with Brian. Now it may have taken a little longer with him to feel comfortable with telling me the way he sees things because he never wants to hurt my feelings, he's still that way! It's not always a good thing. But I appreciate his heart.
At the end of November we were at a six month countdown to the wedding. It still seemed so far away. The goodbyes were always so hard. Brian would hold my face in his hands and stare deep in my eyes. Usually he would kiss my face, my forehead and my nose, then hold me for a long time. I still remember how he smelled ( like Eternity). He would leave a T-shirt for me and spray it with his cologne that I slept with. He also sprayed all of his letters and cards. I think when I'm finished writing this tonight I'm going to go snuggle up next to him just to smell him.
I think God wants our relationship with Him to be like this also. We can be crazy in love with Him and know how good He is. We can be thankful for His faithfulness and giddy that He cares for us so much. But He also wants us to be real, and to feel safe to be able to ask questions and share our hearts. God is not upset with us when we are confused or frustrated. He created us, He created you! Seek Him and you will find Him! Ask and you will receive!
Psalm 34:4-5 "I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame."
How amazing is that scripture, it says that all you have to do is seek the Lord and He'll answer you! Lift your face, NO MORE SHAME!! Lift your face there is radiance waiting for you! YOU ARE WORTHY OF LOVE!
(headed to snuggle)
~Stacie
Click here to continue reading the next post Brian's side.
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