If you are just joining our story, feel free to start from the beginning, first blog post titled "The Beginning" on April 18, 2013.

This is so exciting for me to relive this time.  Beginnings are so fun, newness is fun and exciting, and even scary.  But it makes my heart happy looking back over the last 13 to 14 YEARS.  This coming weekend (May 27) is our 13th wedding anniversary, that's always the greatest time for me, like an emotional Christmas!  I like to relive all the events that happened right up until the day and the hour.  But I won't go into to all of that, we still have several more posts before we get there!
Speaking of wedding dates, that's one of the first things Brian and I did.  Brian knew that he would need to work a little while and I knew I needed to plan a wedding!  We originally said October 14, I don't really know why?!  I think about two weeks went by and we realized that was too far away, so we moved it up to May 27!  That was exactly nine months from the day he proposed.  I would have to live with that!  
It was so neat hearing our friends reactions to our news, especially the ones that knew us at Teen Mania.  It seems that everyone in the world saw something between us, but us!  Again I can't say it enough, God's timing is so perfect, and how and when He chooses to reveal things is always best.  
This would also mean that Brian and I could not kiss for another nine months!  Speaking of...this is a card he sent me some point after we got engaged, I thought it was cute!  Here is the front of the card:

and the inside:

Brian claims that he doesn't like cats, but I believe deep down, he is a cat lover!  
He was always sending sweet little notes in the mail mixed in with those really thick envelopes of letters written late at night, missing each other so bad.  It became our saying,  "I love you so bad."  There was no other way to describe it, I loved him so bad, and he loved me so bad!
Here is something else sweet that I came across, Brian sent me a half a sick of big red gum, and kept the other half!  (It was my favorite)

And guess what I found when I was going through the box of letters and things Brian kept from me?!  NOT half a stick of big red gum, he ate his!  Oh well, that would have been a great story, but that just shows how different boys and girls are! LOL!  I have all the boxes of letters and pictures downstairs since I have started blogging.  I came around the corner the other day and Lila, my three year old, was holding this half piece of big red!  I was able to get it from her without any damage! That was a close call!  I'm sure 13 year old gum would have been really yummy to her!
I started planning wedding details.  The wedding would be in Albany, Ga since that is where Brian grew up, and I grew up a little everywhere.  He was living in Maryland and I was living in South Carolina, it made things interesting for sure.   But we were on our way!  It would be almost a month before I would get to see Brian again, he came to visit me in the beginning of October.  Each time I saw him was better and better, and it seemed like I just kept getting more comfortable with him.  Brian is an easy friend anyway, so you can imagine how easy it was for me to love him.  He doesn't meet a stranger.  I can tell you story after story of how he connects with people. It's almost comical sometimes.  One of his first few visits to South Carolina, Brian took me to the Cracker Barrel saturday for lunch.  On our way in another man walked out and immediately noticed Brian and vice versa.  They were so excited to see each other and hugged.  Brian introduced me to him and he was thrilled to meet me, because he had already heard about me from Brian.   While they were talking, I couldn't help but to think how crazy it was for Brian to run into someone he knows here in South Carolina, such a small world!  I asked him later who the guy was and how Brian knew him.  It turns out, he had met the guy the day before!  While I was working, Brian scoped out the local music store and became best friends with the employee!  This is so Brian!  I overhear him on telephone calls now with his delivery guys from work, checking on them, or touching base with that one person he swopped numbers with in the grocery store.  I love that about him.  He cares so much about people.  I think of him when I read in Proverbs 31:23, "Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land."  Brian is full of greatness, it overflows from him, but he is very humble and always looking to serve.  He is not perfect, I might have a story tucked away to prove that!  But I wasn't looking for a fictional character to go through life with, and thankfully neither was Brian.   
I wasn't planning on this post turning out this way, but I'm so glad it did.  In the next few visits we have a lot of fun and things get a little interesting.  I will tell you all about it in the next couple of posts.  I have gotten so much feedback from friends and new friends who are single.  I want to encourage you to dream, allow yourself to do it.  Envision what you see your future looking like, and as soon as negative thoughts come in, trying to tell you that you are not worthy, or not lovable, or beyond love, do exactly what the bible says to do: "We demolish arguments that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." 2 Cor. 10:5-6  You are worthy of love, having a failed relationship in the past does not mean you have blown your chances for a God filled, fully satisfied, growing old and still holding hands kind of love.  Ask God right now to help you desire to love yourself deeper than you ever have.  Let Him fill every space that is empty.  And right now wherever you are, I speak life to your dreams.  You are so precious to me.  Thank you for reading this blog!
~Stacie

Click here to continue reading the next post titled Reality.

If you are just joining our story, feel free to start from the beginning, first blog post titled "The Beginning" on April 18, 2013.

Brian is so cute when it comes to gifts and surprises.  He's  like a little kid, he can't keep a secret!  If he buys me a gift, he doesn't want to wait, he wants me to have it right away.  I'm kind of the opposite, I love surprises, I don't want any hints!  For our first Christmas married, he got me some perfume I had been wanting, he couldn't wait for Christmas to get here, so he gave it to me early!  And if I get him a present, he wants to guess what it is, or wants me to tell him!  So silly!  
So we had been courting a little shy of two months.  Brian would be coming to see me the last week of August.  It was actually his last trip from Georgia.  He had a moving truck and was on his way to Maryland.  I was afraid the visits would be fewer and far between because of the distance.  But nevertheless, he was coming!  I was thrilled!  This would make the fourth visit between the two of us.  I was very nervous about this visit.  Brian kept telling me he had something special planned.  Could that something special be a ring?!  It was still REALLY early.  We had only been courting for seven weeks.  But I was ready, there was no need to drag it out as far as I was concerned! He was it for me.  
 Brian got into town around the time I got off of work Friday, August 27.  I was over the moon! I remember coming back to the house and ironing a shirt for him, I hate ironing!  But he wouldn't learn that until after we were married, I mean why disclose everything up front!  I think he ironed back over it!  He planned to take me to a  nice restaurant there in Orangeburg.  We had a really good time.   I was still really nervous.  Brian told me later that he made sure to hold my left hand that night, he had the ring in his left pocket and was trying to keep me on the other side of him,  he was trying to be slick!  What he didn't know is that it was very obvious it was in his pocket, at least what I thought.  You know how a ring comes in a small velvet ring box and then the jewelry store puts that small box in a larger box?  Well, Brian had ALL of that stuffed in his pocket! LOL! We had an amazing dinner, I remember a little boy a few tables over kept smiling at me, he was about 3 or 4 years old and such a doll baby.  He had red hair and his name was Reese.  Just a sweet memory of that night!  I had a really yummy soup, one I had never had, I found out later it was italian wedding soup!  After we finished our meal, the plan was to head over to the Gardens on the river where we could stare at each other and talk about how much we loved each other!  When we got there, we found out the Gardens closed at dark, and it was dark.  I could tell Brian was irritated.  There was another way to enter the Gardens and it would make for a very scary night!  There is another place you can park down by the river and walk under the bridge to get in, which sounds ok, but it was pitch black and I was in heels.  It was rocky and muddy, but I was game!  We made our way over the rocks and under the bridge to the walkway.  We went back to our spot under the gazebo.  It was very dark, but I could see just enough to see Brian's eyes, he was going to propose!  He asked me if he could pray with me, so he put his arms around me and began to pray.  I just remember it being really sweet.  Toward the end of the prayer I could fee him fumbling around behind my back, this was it!  When Brian said, "amen," he pulled his arms in front of me and got down on one knee.  He was holding the ring out, but I couldn't see it, it was so dark!  Very simply, he said,   "Stacie Dianne, will you marry me?"  Of course I said "YES!" (and cried)  I didn't need a year courting Brian to make sure, I just knew!  I didn't have to convince myself, there was not an ounce of nervousness hidden deep down, it was right!  I couldn't wait to marry him!  After we hiked back to the car, I was able to see the ring for the first time in the light, it was so beautiful!    We couldn't get back to my house quick enough to tell my family and start calling everyone we could think of.  Now I could tell Brian that I had bought my dress!  Turns out my Dad had already mentioned that to him when he called to get their blessing!  
Now we could start planning!  I was officially taken, and he could have taken me anywhere.  I love that man! 
I was just looking back through things and I found the information on my engagement ring.  Turns out Brian purchased it on Aug 13, 1999, five weeks after we started courting, wow!  Looking back that's just crazy!  But when you know, you know!  And we were both in a place of new beginnings.  
I've learned that sometimes when God does something, it can happen suddenly.  If you had told me  six months earlier that I would be engaged in six months, I would have thought you were crazy!  Don't be discouraged at what you can't see in front of you. Give God your future and trust Him with it!  
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight." Prov. 3:5-6
I just love all the messages Im receiving!  When I set out to do this, I had no idea the effect it would have.  I am praying for you my friend!  You are very special to me, keep me updated on how I can pray and encourage you.  Remember, you are worthy of love!  
~Stacie

Click here to continue reading the next post titled So Bad.

If you are just joining our story, feel free to start from the beginning, first blog post titled "The Beginning" on April 18, 2013.

Brian and I started courting July 7, 1999.  That only meant one thing, that he intended to marry me!  He might as well have asked me to marry him then, cause in my mind, it was on!  I started buying bridal magazines, everyone I could find, and the dreaming began!  I really didn't care a lot about all the details, I just wanted Brian.  I didn't want to be apart from him.  Even though our romantic relationship was just beginning, I had known him for two years already.  
He was still living in Albany, Georgia, but would be moving at the end of August to Maryland to pursue a ministry opportunity.  Brian is a drummer and he was born to play.  It's not just a hobby, it's his passion, it is literally what he was created to do.  Brian carries such an anointing when he plays the drums.  He sets an atmosphere, and I knew even then that God had big things for Brian.  He would be joining a band there and would be in ministry with some great friends from Teen Mania.  I loved that Brian was pursuing ministry.  But once he moved that would mean he would be 10 hours away!  But there would be several more visits before that move.  The next time Brian would come would be August 5-8.  It was almost a month since I had seen him to begin with.  It was a very long month!  It was another great weekend, it just kept getting better.  A few weeks after that, I would take my first trip to go see him in Albany.  I got to stay several days with his family there and it was just more confirmation that we fit!  Seeing him in his element just made me love him more.  
We started talking more about our future.  We had only been courting for a little over a month, but my heart ached for him.  It happened really fast, but I guess I can't stress enough that Brian was not a stranger to me.  We had known each other very well as friends for several years.  I would have to be patient and ask God to help me to love him from a distance for now, and soak up every second we were together.  We didn't have the luxury of doing everyday things together that often.  Long distance relationships have their pros and cons.  It's a lot easier to practice self control when you're not kissing on each other and you only see each other every few weeks!  Just keeping it real!  
In the middle of August, I was in Macon, Georgia with my family for a day trip.  My Mama and I stumbled upon a bridal store going out of business (it really was a stumble)!  I had already picked out the dress I wanted and had the torn out page in a binder.  Everything in the store was 50% off, we walked in and there was my dress!  I didn't even hesitate, I bought it on the spot!  I know Brian said he saw himself getting married in 2 years, but no matter how long it took, I would have the dress!  I mean, isn't it good to be prepared!  I didn't tell Brian about buying the dress because I didn't want to scare him.  We had only been courting for a month!  What I didn't know is that he was doing some shopping of his own!  He didn't want to be away from me as much as I didn't want to be away from him.  Things were moving very fast in my mind, and I would learn in Brian's very next visit how quickly they were moving for him also!  

I know I keep saying how fun this has been for me to revisit this time, but it's so true!  I've been sitting with Brian going over certain little details of things that happened and hearing him talk is so neat!  Some of the things I am just learning for the first time and the same for him.  It's been good to remind each other of that sweet time.  I remember when I had the revelation with Ellie, my first baby, that I had to cherish every season of her life.  I couldn't miss her two's because I was wishing she was a baby again.  And now she's ten and I have to cherish that, because when she's fourteen, I'll look back and miss this time.  Every time is special and we only have that for a little bit, for a season.  I guess it's the same in relationships, I love love love the beginning for Brian and I, and its good to be reminded of it.  But we'll only have this time we are in right now for a season too.  With three kids under the age of ten, it can be a challenge sometimes to focus on each other.  But I'm so glad I'm walking through it with him.  I can't miss right now for looking backwards.  Reminders sure are great though!

Thanks for reading!  Here are a few more pictures from those visits!  I'm loving your feedback!
~Stacie

Click here to continue reading the next post titled Yes, a thousand times yes!

If you are just joining our story, feel free to start from the beginning, first blog post titled "The Beginning" on April 18, 2013.

Brian's first visit was amazing!  I was able to see Brian through a new set of eyes.  I don't really know if it was God's way of concealing him until the perfect time or if it was my focus?  But either way, I'm so relieved that I was able to build a friendship with him first and have that as our foundation.  I know I talked a lot about us staring at each other and hugs and grins, but another thing we did is laugh!  I laughed the entire weekend with Brian!  He is such a goof!  I loved that we could have a good time.  He also got along so well with my family.  Brian just fit.
Brian told me before his visit that he intended to court me.  What courting meant to us, and what we had been taught, was that dating was playing the field, but you court someone you intend to marry.  I knew I was going to marry Brian.  So I kept waiting for Brian to ask me to court him.  But maybe it was too soon.  The weekend was almost over.  I knew that he was in love with me, and I was crazy in love with him.   But the time for him to leave came and I was heartbroken.  This started a series of goodbyes that would be the hardest goodbyes of my life.  I had no doubt that Brian would ask me to court him, I just had to be patient.  I couldn't hug him long enough the day he left.  I know it's cheesy to say, but I feel safe in his arms.  I didn't know when I would see him again.  It was about five and a half hours between us, which was really not that far to us road dogs!  But putting that distance between love, it might as well have been oceans.  
After Brian drove away, I was lost.  I had just had the best four days of my life, discovered Brian was "the one,"  felt love deeper than I ever had, and then he was gone.  It was a sad moment, but was soon replaced with an overwhelming excitement for my future!  For the first time, I knew exactly what my future looked like, and he looked good!
After Brian left I was sharing my feeling with my Mama.  She asked me if I thought if Brian was assuming we were already courting?  I knew for sure that wasn't the case. I remember how Brian was with his girl back on the road.  He was very romantic and put a lot of thought into things.  I knew that when Brian asked me to court him, it would be a big deal, there was no doubt in my mind!  I started imagining different ways he would ask.  But really it didn't matter to me, I knew he would ask, I just couldn't know when!
The very next night was July 7, it was a Tuesday.  I was so excited when Brian called!  He was missing me so bad.  He was telling me all about work that day.  He had a couple of buddies that he worked with and they wanted to know about his weekend.  Brian said, "I was telling the guys about coming to see the girl I'm courting."  Without thinking twice, I responded, "THE GIRL YOUR WHAT?!"  Bless his heart, he stuttered and repeated, "the girl I'm courting?"  I said back to him, "I don't believe you ever asked me."   Again, almost stuttering, he nervously asked me to court him!  Of course I said yes!  I feel bad for scaring him, but I was so taken back!  Looking back it makes me laugh to know that Brian was on such a high being with the girl he was courting all weekend, while I was waiting for him to ask me!  And so the communication game would begin!  
And that was that, we were courting, nothing dramatic or overly romantic about it, but we were courting!  And I couldn't be happier, I was just thrilled we were both on the same page.  The future sure was handsome!

Jer 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Thank you for reading!  This is so fun reliving all of this, I think Brian is enjoying it too, I can't stop kissing him!
~Stacie

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Click here to continue reading the next post Good to be prepared!

If you are just joining our story, feel free to start from the beginning, first blog post titled "The Beginning" on April 18, 2013.

The days pasted slowly, but finally, July 2 was here!!  Brian would be coming in town to see me when I got off of work!  I had not seen him in almost a year and had spent the last 4 months writing letters and getting close over the phone.  I knew that I loved him and that he loved me, but seeing each other would tell us both what the future would hold.  This was it!
The ladies I worked with at the bank knew that Brian was coming and that he would be spending the long weekend with me and my family.  They were all a little giddy for me and eager to know how it would turn out.  I had expected to see Brian back at my house some point after I got off work.  Remember, this is before everyone carried cell phones, so I knew about the time he would leave his town and would arrive in mine.  I was so incredibly nervous.  What I didn't know is that Brian got to my house early and arranged to come pick me up from work.  I truly was not prepared as he walked through the doors of the Bank of America in Orangeburg, SC about 4:45pm.  I remember everything in slow motion.  I saw him come through the first set of glass double doors and it wasn't until he entered the bank that I realized it was Brian.  My heart was beating in my ears.  I was so nervous I couldn't seem to catch my breath.  Brian took his sunglasses off and the world stopped.  There he was, that curtain being drawn back for the big reveal.  My eyes seeing "him" for the first time.  I have this thing about eyes, I've always prayed that my husband would be so full of Jesus that his eyes would smile, like my Daddy's do.  Brian had the greatest smile on his face, but it couldn't match the smile I saw coming from his eyes.  He walked over to my empty teller window and with the sweetest grin said, "I'd like to make a withdrawal please."  Still makes me giddy thinking about it! I was so locked in on those eyes.  I couldn't come around to hug him, but everything inside me wanted to, bad!  He was so dang fine, and he was there!  We talked a few minutes, we were both so excited to see each other.  I met him outside a very long few minutes later and finally got that hug.  There he was, Brian, Brian from Teen Mania, MY Brian.  I had no more doubt, no ounce of fear, it was him!  He smelled so good too!  We were both so giddy on the ride back to the house, I couldn't believe he was there with me.  He had already met my family again earlier in the day, so when we walked in, it was just easy.  
That would be one of the best weekends of my life.  Brian stared at me the whole time his eyes were open.  I think we were both trying to grasp that we were for each other all along, it was just a wow kind of thing!  When Brian looks at me with those eyes, I can feel how much he adores me, he never has to say a word.  And honestly, we did do a lot of talking that weekend, but more than that, we stared and smiled!  
I think Brian took my hand from the very beginning.  The entire time he was there he held my hand or was touching my arm, it was just very surreal that we were together.  One of the best things I remember was going down to the river with him.  There is a beautiful garden there and a walkway along the river with different sitting areas.  At the very end is a gazebo.  We went and sat under the gazebo on the river and talked about our future for hours.  It was a very serious talk.     He said he saw himself getting married in about two years.  TWO YEARS?!!   I remember thinking that was way too far off for me!  He was still feeling me out though, we were just spending the first few days together!  One thing Brian did that day is take my hands and pray over our relationship.  He asked God to seal it, and protect our love and our future.  I was crazy in love with this man!  He held my face so many times and told me he loved me over and over.   We walked out of those gardens on such a high.  I never knew love could be like that.  
I know your wondering, so I'm going to tell you now about him kissing me!  Actually no I'm not, because Brian didn't kiss me that weekend!  This is how it went... =)  Brian and I were sitting in my room staring at each other.  He looked so delicious to me and love was swirling all around!  Brian started to lean in for a kiss and stopped midway and then leaned back.  He looked at me and asked, "can I kiss you?"  Without a hesitation I said, "I'd like to wait until my wedding day."  HUH???  What did I just say?!?  Brian smiled at me, kissed my forehead and said, "then so do I."  So there it was, I knew I would kiss him eventually and I knew he would be worth the wait.  We talked more about it later, just about how we wanted to keep our relationship pure and not even open a door for anything else.   The best way, was to not even go there.  As badly as I wanted to kiss him and he wanted to kiss me, it would just have to wait.  Even a little kiss from Brian would have swung that door wide open for me, I mean have you seen the man?!  This was not just about not kissing, this was about protecting this love at all cost, and for us, that's what it meant. Brian was never disappointed in that decision to wait on the kiss, he respected me so much, and he really did agree that was the best for us.  He kissed my forehead a lot and my hand and my cheek and my nose!!! But never did he push me to kiss him, I don't know why, but that kind of respect only made me love him that much more!  I would get to kiss him, the day we married, and after that point, I could kiss him anytime I wanted!  But for now it would have to wait. 

Here's a few pictures from that weekend!  Thank you for reading and I really appreciate all the great feedback!  Stay tuned, it just gets better!!
~Stacie 

Click here to continue reading the next post We're Courting!

If you are just joining our story, feel free to start from the beginning, first blog post titled "The Beginning" on April 18, 2013.

Things with Brian shifted for me at the beginning of June 1999. Or maybe it was more that I was allowing myself to feel what was going on in my heart. Our phone calls got sweeter and letters got longer. I knew that this was someone I could trust with my heart. Brian was a mystery to me though. I was used to guys that were interested in me falling all over me!  Brian was a little more slow going, he kind of kept me guessing.  I hated that and loved it at the same time!
One letter he wrote he told me I had captured his heart, and the very next sentence, he said, "so your birthdays coming up?"  He confused me a lot!  I wanted to hear lots of mushy stuff and he was just easing into things!  He says it's because he was nervous!  I never thought to ask him before now, so fun!
I was falling for Brian, and I was loving the process.
The phone calls and letters were great!  I remember one particular card that I got from Brian. It was my birthday card.  I think I read it a thousand times.  There it was on paper right in front of me.  Was this real?

"Stacie Dianne I love you!!"
This was big!!  The best birthday gift I could have ever gotten!  But there was still one thing, we hadn't seen each other since Teen Mania. I always had it in my mind that he was Brian, Brian from Teen Mania.  I did love him too, I just had that fear in the back of my mind and I knew it would be there until I saw him in person.  So Brian set the date to make the trip from Albany, GA to Cordova, SC. He would come see me July 2nd and stay until the 6th. We both knew this trip would tell us everything.  I was crazy excited and nervous!   I went and bought new clothes, a new dress for Sunday, and a disposable camera!   I counted the days down, I just could not wait!
It had almost been an entire year since I saw him last and I didn't even remember that last goodbye.   
He would come in town on a Friday.  I had to work that day at the bank until 5pm.  I knew he would be coming in not long after I got off work.  This was it!!!! 

I keep staring at the computer, wondering how to make this post longer, but I guess this one is just going to be short and sweet!  My honey is home after a long day and I just need to be near him.  I can't wait to share with you this next part, my heart leaps just thinking about it!  I know I've said it before, but I am such a dreamer, I've always loved love!  I look at what I have with Brian and I know its special, but I truly believe that God designed it to be this way, not just for us, but for you too.  Dream big, don't settle!  You are worthy of big time love! 

Thank you for reading my story!  I'd love to hear from you!
~Stacie

Click here to continue reading the next post The Reveal!

 

If you are just joining our story, feel free to start from the beginning, first blog post titled "The Beginning" on April 18, 2013.

I guess the best way to go forward is to refer back to the letters and my journal.  In April of 1999 Brian made it clear that he wanted to "pursue me."  And although I loved him dearly as a friend, I really didn't know where we would end up.  I had always been attracted to him, but that didn't mean he was "The One!"  Letters from Brian began to pour in, I loved getting every single one, and I loved writing him back.  He was a great friend, always encouraging.  He would ask me how my devotions were coming, he sent me notes from his youth group services, so that I could be encouraged by the things that he was encouraged by.  A lot of those first letters were just very sweet. He would sign them "Your Froggie"  or "Miss ya."  
I want to share some journal entries with you, just to get a glimpse into my heart, and see where I was:
4/8/99  "Jesus-I am so very frustrated right now.  Frustrated with areas of my life, frustrated with this book.  Jesus, Brian is not the one I want.  It certainly didn't take long to figure that out.  He is a good friend, but not meant to be anything but that.  I am so anxious and I know I shouldn't be, sometimes I feel like I am going to explode.  When will he come? Could he even exist?  Do I know him, is he right in front of my face and I'm just too afraid to see him?  Help me to trust you."

Here's part of a note Brian sent on 4/16/99:

4/30/99 (to future husband) "I am thinking of you now, dreaming of you.  I pray that God is alive in your life so strong right at this very moment.  Leslie told me that you would be everything I ever dreamed when I was a little girl.  I'm still having a hard time believing you even exist.  I was and continue to be a very big dreamer...  I know there will be a time that I will stare at you from across the room and wonder how I could ever love a human so much.  And one day, to your face, I will call you my dreamboat (I always loved when they said that in old movies).  One day soon enough!  I pray the love for God is consuming your heart.  I'm praying for you."

5/19/99 (to future husband) "Wherever you are tonight I pray that God's hand is on your life, guiding you in every way.  I pray for strength for you and wisdom.  I bind frustration in the name of Jesus.  I speak death to any form of compromise that may try and come your way.  I pray for protecting angels to watch over you, and the favor of God all over your life.  I know you are an evangelist, God has told me over and over, and he has given me that desire also.  And you have a heart for music and worship.  I pray that desire even burns stronger now than ever.  Holy Spirit help my man to guard his heart as you help me to do the same.  Protect this precious love that is to be."

Part of a note sent by Brian on 5/17/99:

I don't really know when things shifted, it wasn't like some phone call or letter that changed everything for me.  I just kept giving my heart and desires to God, asking Him to have His way.  Everyday, looking forward to those letters and phone calls.  You know, WAY BACK in 1999, we still wrote the old fashioned letters, and if we made phone calls, we had to pay for them, by the minute!!  So each call was precious, and every letter was like Christmas!  
Here's the journal entry where things shifted:

6/7/99- "First off I don't know where I'm about to go with this, I just need to be straight out with my feelings.  I've avoided this book for some time on the topic "Brian Wilson," but there will be no more avoiding.  Fear of the unknown must go, and its time for me to be real with myself.  I know only a couple of pages ago, I said Brian was not the one for me, well the only thing clear is that I was wrong.  There, die pride, die!  I've been too afraid to actually imagine him as my God sent, because he is so wonderful and my failures have not deserved anyone so.  I am now fully convinced that I am washed clean by the blood of Jesus, not guilty, and I cannot rob myself of this blessing, the most important blessing of my life.  Brian has been such a true friend to me and the more I'm getting to know his heart, his love for God and maturity, blows my mind.  I don't even feel worthy of someone so great.  But I would be honored, totally honored to court him and on...I know Jesus, you are still in control and I thank you for the sweetness that you've placed between us.  He makes me smile.  He challenges me, and he's real with me.  Help me to be patient and continue to give you my heart.  Bless him tonight."

It's been so great for me to look back on these letters and entries.  What is so neat to me, is that Brian never even knew that I was conflicted!  He wasn't trying to win me over, he was just focused on being my friend and letting God direct the timing.  He knew that he wanted me, and that was that!  He knew that I was in a place of restoration and he was willing to be patient, at least for those first few months, but we would more than makeup for it soon enough!  I didn't realize the reveal was right around the corner, we had been building our foundation.  It started at Teen Mania as a friendship and continued as a deeper friendship during this time.  But when God would draw back that curtain, it was almost too much for my heart to contain!  
By the way, I catch myself staring at him from across the room all the time now, wondering how in the world I can love a human so much!  
Look what my God can do!

Thank you for reading and following my story, I appreciate your feedback, it's been so encouraging!
Full of love,
~Stacie (Frog)

Click here to continue reading our story, He loves me not...He loves me!

If you are just joining our story, feel free to start from the beginning, first blog post titled "The Beginning" on April 18, 2013.


I came home from Teen Mania in March of 1999.  Things would be a little shaky for me until I found my feet.  What I need to include is that Brian called me a couple of weeks before leaving TM and we had a very different conversation.  It was the call that changed everything.  He wasn't his normal cut-up self.  He was a tad nervous and kept drawing out the call.  I remember the point I knew something was getting weird, Brian said, "Stacie, I want to talk to you about something."  He NEVER called me Stacie, he had always called me Frog.  I got nervous, I kind of knew what was coming.  Brian had been such a good friend, I didn't want that to change, I didn't want to hurt him.  I had done that before and lost a friend, I couldn't do it again.  He told me he wanted to pursue me in God's timing.  I was giddy that night, but I had a lot of other emotions in the days to follow.  I just didn't have clarity.
  And then a couple of weeks later, the bottom fell out and I was home in pieces.  After that everything was a blur, I just appreciated that Brian was there for me during that time.  He would send me cards and letters in the mail, and even packages, just silly little things and we started to talk on the phone more.  I wasn't sure if my decisions had changed things for him.  There was one particular day that Brian called and I could tell by his tone that something was wrong.  I took my phone and sat on the porch swing outside.  He was nervous and a little upset.  He asked me point blank, "Are you talking to someone else other than me?"  I was stunned!  Yes, I did have another friend calling and writing letters.   He said, "I'm trying to pursue you and I need to know."  I told him, about my other friend, but when faced with what I felt like was a decision, I knew I had to see where this thing with Brian would go.  That day I called my other friend and told him we would just be friends and that would be it.   I was very nervous about Brian, I can say it once and I can say it a thousand times, I adored him, but adoring him doesn't mean we would have a romantic connection.  I really just didn't know, but I HAD to find out, it was worth that risk as scary as it was.   
So I have to include some other things, that I feel are important.  During my internship year, my parents met Brian briefly at the Atlanta Acquire The Fire.  From time to time my Mama would ask me about Brian.  She would say, "Tell me more about that Brian boy, the one from Georgia."  I would laugh at her and tell her he was practically engaged!  She knew there was something to him, just after meeting him once, I guess Mama's do know!  It might have been too that I talked about him a lot, I don't think I even realized that I did!
And on Brian's end, he decided in February of 1999, that he would pursue me with a little help from his friends.  They encouraged him to go for it!  He was nervous that I would turn him down.  Without me knowing, Brian called my Dad to talk to him and let him know that he wanted to pursue me before I ever even left Teen Mania.  Dad encouraged Brian to wait just a little while, he felt like the timing was not quite right and if course, it wasn't.  I never knew that Brian did that until later. He made it up in his mind to try his very best to do everything the right way with me.  The respect he had and still has for me is just something that can only come from God. 
So now fast forward, Brian got my attention by putting it to me, he was not in this to play games.  My journal is a roller coaster of entries, feeling a possibility one day and fearing hurting and losing a friend the next.  I had no clarity, it was something that would have to come with time.  But I did know one thing, I adored him!   

I love how God works, I felt so desperately that I needed answers on Brian right away, I couldn't find that peace.  But during that time, I had to rely on God, He had to have my full attention.  God knew if Brian had been revealed to me then, my focus would shift.  I wasn't ready yet.  I spent many more nights on my face in that little room, loving my healer, focusing on His grace and love, abandoning my whole self to the lover of my soul.  He had to be enough, He was more than enough, and He would peel back that curtain sooner than I expected.  If you're asking God for something, just seek Him, He will show you when you least expect it!
 "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."  Matthew 6:33 

Thank you for reading!
I would love to hear from you!
~Stacie

Click here to continue reading next post entitled Love Comes Softly
  

If you are just joining our story, feel free to start from the beginning, first blog post titled "The Beginning" on April 18, 2013.


I completed my internship year at Teen Mania in August of 1998.  God opened up an incredible opportunity for me to continue to stay there as a nanny for the following year.  It would also give me a mentor, and I really felt like this is where I needed to be. And I would be going back out on the road touring with the top Christian bands, this was so exciting for me!  My "friend" had also returned to Teen Mania, in a separate program, so once again, we were together.  Brian in the meantime had gone back home to continue his relationship with his girl. He would call from time to time to check on his "Frog," but always super friendly, and not out of the ordinary for Brian. 
For me the next six months would be a roller coaster ride.  I was back up under the Teen Mania relationship rules, but having waited over a year, I was frustrated and so was my friend.  In the end, I would make decisions that would break those rules.  It would show me exactly who I did not want to be, and who I did not want to be with.  Not only did I make terrible choices, but they would be exposed months later and I would have to leave Teen Mania, in a very public failure.  How could I have allowed myself to be so weak? I was humiliated, and angry, but most importantly, I was broken.  
I found myself in South Carolina, where my parents had just moved, I was in a new place, with no friends.  I spent weeks holed up in my room, letting my God hold me and restore me.  I didn't know where to go from that point.  I had already broken things off with my friend before the exposure, but the way it happened only confirmed I had to cut him out of my life.  It was difficult, but there was no option there.  
I did however have great friends that would call and check on me and encourage me.  That is so important when you're going through things.  I remember Brian calling and having to tell him everything that had happened.  He was so sweet, he wanted to know if I was okay, and then moved the conversation on to something else.  We never talked about it much after that, he still never focuses on my failures.  He knows how to highlight the good, I'm so blessed to have that in him.  At some point months before, he told me that he and his girl were going in different directions, I wasn't too surprised to hear it.  But it really didn't mean a lot to me then, I wasn't looking for a relationship, I needed to work through my situation.  Brian was being a genuine friend, he was making himself available to me, but he wasn't the only one...

I knew this particular post would be very hard to write, I don't like to look at failures, especially this one.  But this is a part of my story and if it had not happened and I don't know how different things would have been.  God was still in control even in my failures, and He's still in control of me and my failures now.  Whether they are public failures, failures between Brian and I, or failures that only God knows about, I still trust Him with my life.  I believe with all of my heart, that God knows we are going to fail, and He's just waiting for us to run to Him when we do.  He's the only one who can make it better, who can heal our hearts, who can pick us up and dust us off.   And still give me Brian, even when I felt like I didn't deserve him, that's my God! A failure doesn't mean you loose your worth, I am worth it!  YOU are worth it! 
Psalm 147:3 "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."

I'd love to hear from you, thank you for such wonderful feedback so far!
~Stacie

Click here to continue reading the next blog post entitled And so it begins...

If you are just joining our story, feel free to start from the beginning, first blog post titled "The Beginning" on April 18, 2013.



So I've been pouring over journals for hours, rereading the time at Teen Mania, when I met Brian, and the events that took place during that year and the year after that.  I've asked God to help me type through the next part of the story.  But before I move forward, I think it's important that you see just how amazing my God is.  I want to highlight some things, so reminisce with me for just a bit!  
When I decided to go to college directly after high school, I did so with Theater being my major.  I love the stage, it's apart of me, and that's the only thing I knew, so why not!  When I got there, I was out of my element, this wasn't high school drama class any more.  I felt sick being in those classes, the culture was different, I knew I couldn't be apart of it.  So when I decided that college and the timing was not for me, I was lost.  I felt like I was giving up on my dreams.  Fast forward a year, I find myself at Teen Mania, I came to work in the offices, or wherever else they needed me.  I heard about the drama auditions, but I decided not to try out, I was there to focus on God, not on myself.  My roommate asked me to go along with her to the auditions for moral support and ended up being pulled in.  I was chosen as one of two girls to be on team.  God put me there, and in that year I stood on 27 stages across this country (and Canada), and performed on average to 8 thousand people per weekend.  See what my God can do! 
During my internship I wrote monthly newsletters to my friends and family.  In my very last newsletter of my year I wrote, 
" I named this newsletter 'Hearts Desire' blindly at the beginning of the year, having no idea what God had in store for me.  A precious lady I admire and respect very much handed me a card the day I left for Teen Mania.  In closing she said, 'Stacie remember, God longs to give you the secret desires of your heart,' and I want you to know this past year He's done nothing but that.  His love is beyond my comprehension." 
God did so much that year, He put me on the road, that was a huge desire of my heart, but I didn't even know it until I was out there!!!  How cool is that, I wonder how many other ways He will fulfill desires that I don't even know exist yet!  I'm just getting started!  
Ok, so we've got the road and the stage, He also did so many little things, like Big Red gum and can openers that brought me to tears, sounds silly, but God cares so much about the little things, even gum!
And even now I look back and see Brian, my soulmate was apart of that year of my hearts desires.  God opened the door and ushered him into my life, allowing me to experience Brian as raw and real as Brian can be, and let me tell you, he can be real!  I had another memory flood back in and I have to share it with you!  It will take a second to set up so bear with me.  One of the many adventures during the internship was called the Peoples Retreat.  All of the interns participated and we were divided into groups of about 10.  Guess who was on my team, Brian Wilson!  There were tribal groups and missionary groups, we were in tents on the campus and the point was for the missionary groups to win over the tribal groups.  We were a tribal group, and to mix things up, they had us in a war with another tribal group.  During that very dramatic "war" (which included raw eggs being thrown), I was wounded, not really, it was just part of the script!  I had to be carried back to our camp, and guess who came and swooped me up!  Brian carried me about 5 minutes back to our camp site.  Brian was protecting me even then.  I just remember him being strong and me being very nervous, I can promise you, I'm not nervous when he swoops in now!  Silly memories, I love them!
Psalm 37:4 Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. 

So next post we'll continue on with our story,  my life took a very dramatic turn.  But you'll see how even in heartache and brokenness, God was still directing my steps!!

What are your desires, ask God to reveal His desires for your life, He has the very best in store for you!!
Don't forget to share my blog and I'd love to hear from you!
~Stacie

Click here to continue ready the next blog post entitled "Broken."